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Studies among physicians and nurses in paediatric care reveal experiences of loneliness and lack of open dialogue. The aim of this study was to illuminate the meaning of female Registered Nurses’ lived experience of being in ethically difficult care situations in paediatric care. Twenty female Registered Nurses who had experienced being in ethically difficult care situations in paediatric care were interviewed as part of a comprehensive investigation into the narratives of male and female nurses and physicians about being in such situations. The transcribed interview texts were subjected to phenomenological-hermeneutic interpretation. The results showed that nurses appreciated social confirmation from their colleagues, patients and parents very much. This was a conditioned confirmation that was given when they performed the tasks expected from them. The nurses, however, felt that something was missing. They missed self-confirmation from their conscience. This gave them an identity problem. They were regarded as good care providers but at the same time, their conscience reminded them of not taking care of all the ‘uninteresting’ patients. This may be understood as ethics of memory where their conscience ‘set them a test’. The emotional pain nurses felt was about remembering the children they overlooked, about bad conscience and lack of self-confirmation. Nurses felt lonely because of the lack of open dialogue about ethically difficulties, for example, between colleagues and about their feeling that the wrong things were prioritized in the clinics. In this study, problems arose when nurses complied with the unspoken rules and routines without discussing the ethical challenges in their caring culture. The rules and the routines of the caring culture represented structural barriers for creating open dialogue and an ethically justifiable practice, called inauthentic existence, blindness related to our own inauthentic understanding, which focuses on the routines, rules, theories and systems. Published by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons.

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