‘The self‐destruction force is so strong’: male survivors’ experience of suicidal thoughts following sexual violence
Sammanfattning
Suicidal thoughts are common among male sexual violence survivors. However, very few studies have focused specifically on this aspect. The purpose of this study was to explore the experience of male survivors themselves of suicidal thoughts following sexual violence within the framework of men and masculinity. The research methodology was The Vancouver School of Doing Phenomenology, and a total of 17 interviews were conducted with seven male survivors. The main findings of the study are that the source of the suicidal thoughts after sexual violence is based on an experienced strong self‐destruction force that involves almost unbearable and unexpressed suffering. The strong self‐destruction force appeared among other things in risk behaviour and negligence towards own life and health. Participants all agreed that the thought of suicide was a certain escape route, that is to be constantly trying to escape from oneself and inner suffering. Negative thoughts that were difficult to suppress developed into suicidal thoughts that developed into thinking about the best possible way to commit suicide. Shattered self‐esteem, shame and loneliness characterised the lives of participants, and they felt disgusting and worthless as human beings. Much self‐degradation was characteristic. Perceived common societal norms about male masculinity had major negative impact on participants, for example that they should not show emotions because they were men and therefore should not express emotional pain or disclose their traumas. This resulted in emotional silencing. Disclosing the violence proved extremely difficult for all participants, but they experienced a high level of positive energy following disclosure. Participants experienced lack of knowledge, understanding and appropriate support from healthcare professionals and felt that sexual violence survivors’ trauma history needed to be better explored within health care. It is important that professionals acquire knowledge and understanding of male sexual violence survivors, and their suicidal thoughts, and become able to provide trauma‐specific support. • Published by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons.